The Anti-Modem Campaign

Our Motto is: Just Say "No" to Mo-dumbs!

"I used a modem for 10 years. Look where it led me, no hair! Outrageous lag time, slow connections (I used 1200 baud up to 28800 bps,) and busy signals. Busy signals have to be the most annoying thing about the mo-dumb! When I want connectivity, I want it now. But now at work I have a T1 and my boss got me a T1 connection at home. I never have to dial up, and I've always got 1.536mbps. I'm ready to join the Hair Club now."

Eddie Frakenson, Engineer

"Modem? What's that? Do you mean Mo-Dumb? I thought so. I can't even remember what they sound like connecting. To tell you the truth, I can't remember my son's name. Do I have a son? I started out with a 56kbps frame relay circuit. I've since made the jump to 256kbps frame relay and I am grabbing recipes off faster than ever. And downloading the pictures of the recipes is not a chore. That damn Mo-Dumb, I think it made me grow older than I am. I've also got the full T1 port speed, so soon I'm looking to take this baby to 768kbps. I'll be able to grab that cherry pie recipe and 12 pictures of it before Mrs. Duncan across the street with her Mo-Dumb can even hear the dial tone. Ha-ha! She is deaf anyway."

Helen James, Grandmother

"Hey, what's up? Down with Mo-Dumbs. I just got my ISDN installed last week. Picked me up one of those super cheap ISDN terminal adapters. They ain't called modems for your information. What fool ever started calling them modems should be slapped. Most likely some uninformed Mo-Dumb user that works for PC Magazine or something. I use the whole 2B+D, 128kbps! That's what I call fast. And it's all digital, none of that modulating/ demodulating noise giving you a headache. I can send the manuscript down the pipe and not have to go nap for half an hour. Once you go high speed, you never go back."

Lorenzo Stevens, Freelance Writer

"Hi, I just leased a cable 'mo-dumb' from the cable company here. I wish they would stop referring to them as modems. That is so juvenile. They are confusing the issue. The reason to use a cable terminal adapter is to get away from the limitations of modems, yet they still want to call it a modem. Well people, mo-dumbs mo-suck! Back to what I was saying. The cable terminal adapter is quite fast and inexpensive. Uploading speed is not as fast as downloading, but still faster than a modem upload. However, I don't plan to provide much anyway."

Herbert Sweeney, Retail Manager

"Greetings, I am a Hollywood actor. I just recently had a T1 line installed to my house for my Internet usage. I used a modem for the last two years and my fan email has just become such a hassle lately. I couldn't surf the web while waiting on my email. And I would be really angry when I would have to redial for half an hour just to get on and download email for an hour. My T1 however is always connected to the Internet and with the speed I don't have to worry about how much email I get. My friends have said to me, 'Chris, you've got the money, get a full T3.' And I just don't agree with that. No single human being needs that much bandwidth even if they can afford it. Perhaps one day I'll get another T1 to run the Official Christopher Walken website off of."

Christopher Walken, Actor

"After slaving over a hot french fry cooker all night, I come home and relax in front of my unlimited prime time ISDN 2B+D. During the day they charge $.02 a minute, but I don't worry, I sleep during the day. But they say prices will drop to unlimited around the clock soon. But at night I can get all the warez, cracks, demos, and porn that I want at 128kbps. I don't have to leave my modem on all night anymore to get the latest build of Memphis in 12 hours. And I also don't have to tie up the analog phone line. It will still be a few years before ISDN phones are common enough for that. And until that day, Down with Mo-Dumbs!"

Cameron Adams, Fry Cook/Shift Manager